Absolutely Fobulous

Remember Krang, the evil brain from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles who controlled a massive robotic body?  Well, it seems some inventors in Japan thought it would be a brilliant idea to equip children with the equivalent of Krang’s body.  Called “Kidswalker,” it’s basically a metal exoskeleton that allows a child to sit inside and, just like Krang, use levers to control the robot’s arms.  Oh, and just to make things even more interesting for parents, the robot’s arms feature a metal claw and a drill.  Because that’s exactly what you want to put in the hands of a bratty kid.

You’ve got to be a pretty special mom or dad to get your child this gadget, especially since it costs $21,000.

Now, admit it. Doesn’t it have a scary resemblance to the charming creature?

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(Thanks, Lia!)

If I ever have a daughter, I want her to be exactly like this adorable Japanese girl named Rino. Her mom documents Rino eating homemade meals from various countries, which can all be viewed on their YouTube channel. From Korean bibimbap to Vietnamese pho, she happily savors every dish without any complaints. Just watching her eat makes me hungry! I also love how her mom makes her pronounce the name of each dish before eating. Now that’s one cultured kid!

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(Thanks, Louie!)

I don’t know what it is about little Asian kids and their unnaturally gifted musical skills, but it seriously never gets old. This little guy is so cute, and (unlike me when I started playing piano at five) obviously loves playing the piano.

Get ready to have your mind blown. BOOM!

(Thanks, Hubie!)

Everyone’s excited about the new Batman movie, but who needs a protector of Gotham when you have…(wait for it)…Captain China!  The World’s Greatest Communist Superhero!

I’m pretty sure no one dressed up as Captain China at last week’s Comic Con, despite his fabulous communist-red outfit and vintage pistol made by the Soviet Communist Party.  As the comic book story goes, Captain China was frozen during Mao’s reign, brought to life in modern day, and ensured Obama’s safety during the US president’s trip to China.

Want to read the full comic?  Buy it on Amazon for your Kindle.

(Thanks, Dunks!)

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Who says martial arts has to be violent? Watch these two adorable kids demonstrate how the art of Taekwondo can be performed without making physical contact with each other. They even have their classmates cheering them on in the background. As cute as this may be now, it might help to learn to hit your opponent for actual self-defense purposes. Who do you guys think won this intense fight?

(Thanks, Diana!)

I gotta admit, living in a developing country skews your understanding of road safety.  Battling cars while balancing on my bicycle?  No problem.  Jaywalking like it’s my job?  Been there.  Cramming 64 kids into a minivan…OK, maybe that’s just going a bit too far.  In Qianan of China’s Hebei Province, police were stunned to find over 60 children squeezed into an eight-seater minivan.  The little ones were taken home safely in 12 police cars.

Check out the video below as the police unpack the van.  Crazy how the back seats have been taken out and replaced with benches in order to fit more kiddies.

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(Thanks, Dunks!)

Even for this world renown soccer team, fending off 109 little Chinese kids for a ball is no easy feat.  In celebration of Real Madrid’s 109th anniversary, the team hosted a soccer match against 109 Chinese kids in Guangzhou, China.  Real Madrid won 2-1, but you gotta admit, these cute kids put on a pretty good fight.  It’s pretty funny to watch the professional athletes try to maneuver the soccer ball, only to be thwarted by a swarm of little people running madly after it!

(Thanks, Hubie)

Not only can these North Korean kids flawlessly synchronize their guitar playing skills, but their heads all bob in unison, too! I guess you can always rely on the North Koreans to train their people to painfully master any art to perfection. After years of piano lessons, my musical skills are nowhere as close. Reminder: don’t show mom this video.

(Thanks, Arthur!)

Not only do North Koreans strive for perfection, the Chinese celebrate China’s birthday by practicing perfection.

This is like that polygamist TV drama ”Big Love,” only multiplied by 13.  Ziona Chana, a guy in India, has the world’s biggest family: 39 wives, 94 kids and 33 grandchildren.  And they apparently all snuggle up in one big dorm-like building, which has 100 rooms.

Ziona and his family live in the Baktwang village in the Indian state of Mizoram, where he heads up a 4,000-member religious sect.  And yup, you guessed it, the sect allows men to have as many wives as they want.

“We stay around him as he is the most important person in the house. He is the most handsome person in the village,” said Rinkmini, 35, one of his wives.

Err… yeah.  Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I guess.

Still, before you make any judgmental snickering about weird religious sects, you should probably know I come from a huge-ass family, too — my grandma had 14 kids!  And people wonder about China’s one-child policy…

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(Thanks, Eric!)

Think your fam is crazy?  Read about how Chinese parents can sue kids for not visiting often enough, how Korean parents are sending their short kids to growth clinics, and our thoughts on Tiger Mom Amy Chua.

Happy Chinese New Year!  It’s the year of the rabbit — you know, the cute little animal that hops around and, oh…has sex like crazy, popping out tons and tons of baby bunnies??  This week, the Singapore prime minister deliberately highlighted the reproductive tendencies of this year’s zodiac animal, in the hopes of inspiring Singaporeans to have more babies.

The country’s fertility rate hit an all time low last year at 1.16 percent.  With the cost of living rising steadily, many couples in Singapore are choosing to have fewer or no kids.

I just think it’s hilarious that Singapore’s government, which comes off as super prudish with all their stiff censorship laws, is now trying to get people to have more sex.

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Rabbits are hardly R-rated.  Read about the indecent tweets under the hashtag #Asian, the iPhone app that makes hooking up easy, and the Chinese artificial hymen that will re-virginize you for 30 bucks.