Why more Asian guys aren’t dating White girls

If you ever wonder why you don’t see more Asian guys coupling up with White girls, wonder no more! This mini documentary by a USC student and another student from the Communication University of China, gives insight into this phenomenon. It’s not sexual prowess, says one Chinese woman, because out of all her ex-boyfriends, the best one in bed was a Chinese guy from college.

Some of the guys in the video cite cultural differences as a barrier. One even says that he started to date a White girl at work, but it didn’t go well once he realized that she didn’t get his references to wuxia (Chinese fiction about martial artists) and the fiercely competitive college entrance exam in China or gaokao.

Another big cultural difference is the attitude towards dating. During a group discussion, the female Chinese interviewee says that in America, there are three distinctive steps of romance — dating, relationship, and marriage. She says that in China, people only start dating with marriage in mind. The group then jokingly (and maybe half seriously?) cites a famous Chairman Mao quote in unison: “When one loves another without considering marriage as the goal, it’s sexual harassment.”

My thoughts on the matter is that you’re always going to face cultural barriers if you date out of your race. My parents certainly did — my dad is Chinese but born and raised in the Philippines, while my Japanese mom was born and raised in Japan. Maybe that’s not as big of a gap as someone from Western culture dating an Asian, but I still think it’s a matter of embracing those differences. Both just need to have an open mind towards each other. But I guess having different marriage expectations can definitely be a hurdle. Still, I wonder why you see more Asian women dating White guys than vice versa. What do you think?

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  • FemDis

    You might be interested in checking out a survey okcupid.com did on the popularity of different race combinations: asian women were desired most (based on how frequently people sent and responded to messages)- like for white men they preferred them over white women, asian men less so (preferred under white men, when it was white or asian women choosing, I think). I don’t remember if it was from reading that blog or from reading a blog about that blog, but the idea usually is that there are a lot of gender-specific stereotypes that influence how people view these things- asian women are often viewed (wrongly, of course) to be more submissive than white women. Asian men are viewed to be more feminine than white men (again wrong, and probably due to cultural misinterpretation etc).

  • Ted

    It is a well known fact that Asian women are the hottest. As an Asian, why would I date a white woman when there are so many absolutely beautiful and stunning Asian women?

    Btw you do not qualify to to be a FOB….your English is not fobby enough:)

  • lim

    ummmm… this only talks about chinese people…. when the heading says asian.. wtf?

  • Ingrid Olka

    Despite generalizations, many people are different. I am not trying to brag but I am a model (in good shape and thin) and young white European girl living in LA and I would prefer to date an Asian man. I have just always been more attracted to Asian men. So I know some white girls exist that appreciate Asian men but I am shy myself and will not usually approach him first. So please do find ways to talk to a girl you are interested in casually (such as making a serious situation funny) since most quality girls will not approach you first. Maybe research the girl you like to see how to strike up a conversation since she may be too shy to talk to you first :P

  • DLO

    Should be the other way around,” why white girls don’t date asian men?” It seems kind of odd why an asian girl would this article. Are you dating a white guy?

  • anon

    Oh goodness, no. Asian women are certainly not any better-looking than non-Asian women, especially White and Hispanic women. You’re in denial.

  • http://www.facebook.com/patrick.s.cho.311 Patrick S. Cho

    As an asian male raised in Trinidad it’s the other way for me.All white women and one asian woman .I’m perfectly comfortable with them all

  • AsianAmerican

    I’m Asian American, and the reason why I don’t date white girls is because of my overall International view of relationships with women: I respect them, and I respect my family, I respect my home nationality, and I respect my friends of my own race.

    Actually, according to white man’s standards, talking about all this inter-racial stuff is considered racist. O-M-F-G, then what the HELL IS IT WHEN:

    WHITE MAN DATES ASIAN WOMEN?? According to white man’s standards, isn’t that racist as hell?? Omg! White is supposed to stay white and yellow is supposed to stay yellow, omg omg! If you mix the 2, then it’s racist!

    Or how’s this: “Yeah man! Err, Yes, pretty asian girl. Times [today is 2013] are changing! The world is changing for a better place in Western America, lead by ME~! Your cute whitey ;-)

  • http://www.facebook.com/sarah.gabriel.520 Sarah Gabriel

    Some people might think online dating is total failure. But like it or not it’s becoming
    the perfect solution for people like me who don’t have enough time to
    socialize. Try globogirls.com it’s really cool.

  • Draco

    That will never happen, especially with extremely attractive women like yourself. YOU might wanna do the approaching if you like the guy. But that’s cool there are beautiful white women like yourself that’s open minded.

  • Draco

    I agree that asian women are common with white men, but statistically speaking, asian women also don’t discriminate. Since there are more caucasian men than asian men in the U.S. asian women are more likely to be paired up with caucasian men. Asian men on the other hand are being discriminated against by caucasian women the most, and since caucasian women are dominant in the U.S. compared to other women, caucasian women are less likely to be paired up with asian men due to negative stereotypes and racism towards asian men. This could all be in the past because I heard on the news, minorities being born are just about even with whites. But I do think, there will be years of frustration and struggle for asian men before any equality will happen…mostly likely we who are living now will not be alive to see it.

  • Reo

    look all those Asian (Chinese) guys in the clip. Don’t bother talking about Mao’s quote, culture, language.

    It’s their freaking haircut. Jeezeez.

    1.4 Billions and just 1 haircut. And talking about wuxia, gaokao?

    Yea, I’m Chinese. But those haircuts…

    Look at Chinese girls, they know how to look beautiful, pretty, at least with makeup. These guys? one of things from past 4000 years of Chinese civilization does not change a bit. Not a bit. That is their haircut and freaking shirt that can be worn down until the knee cap without wearing any jeans.

  • GentlemanDennis

    Oh rlly? You dumb-fuck?
    You know what? We Chinese guys are flourishing the campus around the western countries and you know what? Typical Chinese guys purchase cars and even own properties here. And they’re really open to every culture since they pretty much established themselves pretty well in China.

  • GentlemanDennis

    I feel ya, mate.

  • http://masafumimatsumoto.com/ Masafumi Matsumoto

    Ingrid, I think your comment could inspire some Asian men. Thanks for sharing your insights.

    From my personal experiences, I find it more likely to get warm&genuine responses from quality women like you, because they know most guys are too afraid to approach them, and being genuine and honest with ease and delight is a rare quality when guys who do approach them tend to be too pushy.

  • Cori Collin

    I agree with Ingrid. Speaking for myself, I think Asian men are totally hot. Like the video stated, I may want someone with a sense of humor, BUT intelligence is very important to me and also a very attractive quality. I would rather someone have a brain than act like a goof ball. lol Though, if I could find two in the same that would be awesome. lol Most Asian guys I’ve come across seem intelligent, educated or goal oriented, clean cut, know how to dress and that is just a lot of what I personally look for in a man. Not all caucasian American girls date on the premises of looking for a relationship only, but no marriage. I am a Christian American so when I date, I am looking for marriage material when I date a man. I’m not into playing around, but seeing if there is chemistry and if we both click. Most Asian guys I’ve seen are dating Asian girls, so I was under the impression that Asian guys were not into American girls so much. I am very shy when it comes to guys and I think most American women are use to American guys being more aggressive when it comes to asking a girl out even though in today’s society it seems like more women are asking guys out than before which use to be a faux pas (tactless and not the social norm). So, I too would encourage you to ask a girl out and not to be afraid to initiate conversation with a girl, ask if you can buy her a drink or whatever and just start a conversation. You never know where it might lead to. And if she doesn’t understand something about your culture or something you like that is more well known from people of your culture, why don’t you see if she would be interested in learning more about it so you two could have more in common? I love learning about other cultures and their history and you’d be surprised how many others do too.

  • Cori Collin

    A lot of this is also due to American media and Hollywood movies in how they portray Asian races and their gender. I just wanted a special a few months ago about how Hollywood tends to portray Asian men to be more feminine and they gave specific movie and character examples. So, that does not help either.

  • John

    come to heyamwf.com to meet hot asian men and white women!

  • bob

    It’s both ways around. The main problem is cultural differences. Asians do date with marriage as the goal. Whites tend to date for fun and hookups.

  • bob

    You are both in denial. Different people have different tastes.

  • bob

    Plus most Asian men don’t want a ball busting white woman who will divorce them. Most Asian parents warn their boys not to marry white women because of the high divorce rate

  • DLO

    It’s something that is not promoted by current social(racial) engineering, what they want is WM/AF and BM/WF. Maybe the author should ask her white bf what he thinks about AM/WF, he’ll probably say stuff like AM all have small dicks and are sexists that treat women like shit therefore do not deserve any. The truth is white women are submissive freaks and only into BBC, check urbandiction.com if u dunno what it is, it says its often found inside white women. This is something that WM also approve/encourage and get off on, it’s called “CUCKOLD” a lifestyle they want to spread around the world as their philosophy and even made a movie based on this phenomena under same name that played in theaters a few years back, check imd or rottentomato. Your average white liberal today is infact just some self-serving, selectively-racist bigot that fetishizes certain genders of other races. As taboo as what I said might sound I am really just keeping it real, there are literally millions of different REAL LIFE white couples that upload their amateur videos of this sort. Now imagine the ones aren’t filmed or posted in the Internet. I would like to hear people’s thoughts on this.

  • M. Eigh

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  • Arifeen

    Cool! agree with you.

  • Van

    Draco, you aren’t making much sense. If it were just based on pure number, then wouldn’t there be more Asian women with black men than asian men also?

  • whuddyasack

    Not really. When a large majority go after a certain group of women outside their race, then they can be considered more attractive. Asian women fit that bill.

  • whuddyasack

    There are a lot of things that make not much sense but the Caucasian men having a numerical advantage isn’t one of them. For every Asian male in the US, there are 70 Caucasian males.

    Now, the way you interpreted Draco’s post, and how he might have put it is that AFWM couples are more than AFAM (hence your reference to Black men). The reality is that AMAF pairings are more than 5 times greater than WMAF pairings, and AMWF and WMAF pairings are only slightly different in percentage. (36% vs 45%) though I hear that this is decreasing rapidly.

    Do you even know what you’re talking about?

  • Van

    None of what you posted refutes what I said. In fact, it supports it. If AFAM pairings are greater, than it doesn’t matter that there are more white males in the US. Hence my point to begin with. Numbers are not the reason for the high number of AFWM relationships.

  • Bob Li

    Thank you

  • Ana Maria

    I like asian men too, I wish could get to Japan, taiwan or something like that to find one.Good luck!

  • whuddyasack

    Sorry for the late reply, but no Van. Read again, analyze and stop creating strawmen. You’re being disingenuous and feigning ignorance. AFAM pairings obviously are MUCH greater than AFWM pairings in the US (5 times more). This is a statistical fact. Draco had it right, the reason why AFWM pairings are common is due to MUCH greater numbers of White men with the same backgrounds, careers, education and living in the same suburbs as Asian women. There are more Asian females in the US than males. Also, all over the world, majority males tend to be the second choice for minority females.

    In conclusion, it has everything to do with numbers. That, and like most people say, White guys tend to pursue and chase Asian females more than Asian males initiating any conversation. Even when such initiations are unwanted, frightening and rude.

  • Van

    You’re contradicting yourself. You say that it has to do with numbers, and then say that AFAM pairings are 5 times more. Yet, there are less Asian males than white males in the US. How do you explain that? Also, I’m laughing at your white guys tend to pursue Asian females comment. More often than not, it’s the other way around. It’s the asian females who want a white b/f.

  • whuddyasack

    How so? You just lack comprehension skills and are probably at the lower end of the bell curve. AFAM pairings being 5 times greater simply means AFs prefer AMs to all others duh. If there were fewer White men in the vicinity, then this difference would be even greater. In favor of AM. Don’t tell me your thick self-denying skull still doesn’t get it hahahaha.

    Confirmed that you’ve yet to get intimate with ANY female. All the women in this article agree with me and not with you about initiation. They all happen to be White too, which proves it’s “insecure” White males doing the moaning and drooling often rudely, e.g. creepywhiteguys.

    Are you still laughing? Because that’s pathetic.

  • Van

    The fact that you have to resort to insults shows you have no argument. I think it’s your comprehension skills that are lacking. If it was just about numbers, then more white males in a population would mean that there are more WMAF couples than AMAF couples. But your own stats say that that’s not the case. So it must mean that it’s due to more than just numbers. Which proves my point.

    Asian girls obviously don’t think these guys are creepy. You know why? Because they have something called white fever. People like you and others always harp on the yellow fever while trying to deny the fact that many asian women are guilty of the same thing. White males aren’t insecure. What do they have to be insecure about?

  • whuddyasack

    So overeager to talk about “numbers” yet so clueless about it. Say there are 200 WMs, 5 AMs and 7 AFs. 5 AFs are married to AMs, 1 AF to a WM. That’s 20%, a significant percentage and what the other 199 WMs notice (or would like to). However, keep in mind those 199 WMs would have to look elsewhere for a partner and many are in fact miserable singles. And that’s where the insecurity begins. I could go on and on about why you’re insecure, but I don’t wanna hurt your pwoor pwoor feewings awwww.

    Sure they don’t find those guys creepy. So why don’t you pay a visit to creepywhiteguys . tumblr and see what ALL girls think? There’s also Black, Latina and White girls like totally grossed out dude. Gotta say, at least it shows “initiation” aka “yellow fever” on the part of White males, even if it’s just tacky. Asian females have waaayyy more class chimp.

  • Van

    Huh? First of all, how are any of the numbers you posted 20%? You can’t even do simple math, and yet you’re lecturing me on numbers? Secondly, I have no idea why you’re assuming that I’m white. Never make an assumption in an argument. I’m not white. But I see no reason why white guys would be insecure. As far as dating goes, they have more advantages than most other races.

    Lastly, I bet you that most of the girls on those creepywhiteguys tumblers still have dated white guys. They just don’t want a white guy who outwardly expresses his love (or as they call it, fetish) for asian women. Meanwhile, many of them have a fetish for white guys. So it seems a little hypocritical to me. A lot of asian females don’t have class. They tend to put down their own race. Ever see that video where they ask asian girls why they won’t date asian guys? That’s one you can look up. It’s on youtube.

  • whuddyasack

    Van, so what are you if not White hahahaha? There’s no other group more invested in this “interracial bonanza” than insecure White males. In every single article relating to interracial relationships between Asians, White “males” are there. I can understand why. Competition is fierce when you are the majority and there’s not enough girls around.

    My Maths is fine. 1 out of 5 is 20%, duh. As far as insecurity goes, I never stated all WMs were insecure, I just stated ugly, unwanted ones were insecure. And there’s a lot of them. You finally agree with me on advantages (numbers), so we’re getting somewhere. But the point is, at the end of the day, AFs overwhelmingly prefer AMs. “White fetish” is nothing to “Asian fetish”

    Try not assuming the dating life of girls you don’t know. The only certainty is they all found those WMs icky and most stated they preferred AMs, which was why they were harrassed in the first place.

    The difference between that YT video and tumblr is that one is a parody video. The other a blog to express frustration and disgust at what can be considered criminal.

  • Van

    I’m Asian. 1 out of 5 is 20%. But none of the numbers you posted are 1 out of 5. You said there are 7 AF. 5 get married to AM and 1 gets married to WM. So it’s either 5 out of 7. Or 1 out of 7. But there’s no way to get 1 out of 5 from that.

    I disagree. I think the groups most invested in this “interracial bonanza,” as you call it, are asian males and black females. Those are the two groups most slighted when it comes to interracial dating. AF’s date out more than any other females from other races. And I’ve also never seen any other race put down their own men as much as AF’s. The YT video isn’t a parody btw. And that’s what makes it so sad. That there are Asian women out there who actually think like that.

    Of course ugly and unwanted whites would be insecure. But that goes for all ugly people. Not just whites. So race has nothing to do with that. White people have advantages. And it has nothing to do with numbers. An ugly white guy could go to Asia (where he would be a minority) right now and bang any Asian girl he wanted. An ugly Asian guy couldn’t go to America and do the same.

    White fetish is much worse than yellow fetish. Take a look at some of the numbers on OK Cupid about how race affects the messages you get, and you’ll see just how bad white fever is with many asian women.

  • whuddyasack

    No, you aren’t. Asians are supposed to be smart and good at Math. Just another typical frustrated freckleface who can’t get laid haha. Come on, there’s no need to fake your identity like most White guys who pretend to be AMs/AFs. Just be proud of who you are. Here’s what I said earlier:

    “5 AFs are married to AMs, 1 AF to a WM”

    We’re talking about “marriages” here. Thus, comparing the percentage of AFs married to AMs, vis-a-vis WMs.

    The most “invested” group in IRLs are without a doubt WMs. They appear in every IRL thread regarding Asians, including those they have nothing to do with, i.e. Blacks and Hispanics. They are the ONLY group insecure enough to pose as other groups to stir up sh*t, who place importance on “race” in every single issue, who feel the need to compete in “interracial sexual conquests” and celebrate or mourn accordingly. Need I go on?

    Duma productions is a A.Am comedy channel. It’s amusing you take it seriously. OTOH, creepywhiteguys has been used as reference by official news channels, and significant online communities i.e. xojane, jezebel, etc. For your own good, better not read the comments. Putdowns and criticisms from all girls, incl. WFs are “real” hahaha

    Yes, WMs have advantages, mainly numbers and initiation which applies to any majority. Your last 2 paragraphs prove this, WRT initiation and that Yellow Fever is much worse than White Fever. Try not to embarrass yourself with that completely flawed “international” argument when you lack an understanding of IRL dynamics in the US.

  • Van

    Uh, no. That’s still not 1 in 5. You do know that in your example, there are 6 married AF’s right? 1+5 = 6. So it is either 1 in 6 are married to WM’s or 5 in 6 are married to AM’s. Simple math dude. You must not be Asian yourself cause you really suck at math. Lol, you think I’m making up the fact that I’m Asian? Van is a Vietnamese name. Look it up.

    Why would WM’s care or be invested? They have no trouble getting with AF’s because AF’s have white fever. Like I said, even the ugliest, old white guy can go to Asia and get a bride. If it’s so easy for a white guy to get an interracial relationship, then there’s nothing to be insecure about in regards to interracial dating.

    Appearing in a thread doesn’t mean someone is invested btw. Are you invested just because you’re commenting on this article. I think you’re also delusional about the number of white guys on here. You think I’m a white guy. How do you know how many white guys there are on here? Are you able to see a picture of every person who posts here?

    Duma is an AA comedy channel? So you’re saying Asians purposely made fun of themselves and had Asian girls make fun of Asian guys? Lol, yeah, that makes sense. Didn’t xojane have an article by an asian girl stating why she didn’t date asian guys?

  • whuddyasack

    Like I said, we’re comparing AMAF marriages to WMAF, hence we use the AMAF couplings as the denominator, while WM couplings are the numerator. Hence 1/5. FYI, 1/6 is 16.6667%, which when rounded up still gives us 20%. No offense dude, but you’d never pass for Asian. We’re all Math geniuses, ya know. Be proud of being White dude, even if it means to be second best lol.

    I’m assuming you’re talking about surnames, correct? Never heard of a Vietnamese named Van, sorry. If it exists, it is exceedingly rare. Plenty of Buis, Trinhs, Phams and Nguyens though. Perhaps you meant Cambodian hahahaha. OTOH, Van is a common prefix in Dutch names, thus you are Dutch. See how ridiculous that sounds?

    Why would WMs care or be invested? You tell me. I’m not a White dude, but from my POV, it seems to stem from insecurity. If you’re still curious, ask them.

    It’s actually a lot harder for them to get on with an AF, let alone any AF. In fact, old, poor, ugly White dudes have realistically no chance when it comes to “higher end” Asians. Many a foreigner will tell you how lonely it actually gets in Japan/Korea, and I don’t see many Chinese “class flowers” even dating White guys.

    I think you’re way too hung up on mere words like “invested” and “insecure” (take note here). Joined an Asian forum, and the mods all tell me that my “guesses” match the IPs of posters with good accuracy. How do I do it? Well, that would make for an interesting discussion if you really want to know.

    Duma is a parody/comedy channel. I’m not even Asian American and I know lol. You don’t really know Asians well do you? We make fun of ourselves all the time. It’s called humor. As for the girl in xojane, well if you read her tweet, she did it for the lulz.

  • Van

    16.6 rounds up to 17%. Who rounds up a whole 4 percentage points? And you don’t seem to understand. What you’re talking about is ratio. There is 1 AF married to a WM for every 5 AF’s married to AM’s. However, if we’re talking fractions (numerator and denominator), it is still 1 in 6. Not 1 in 5. Because there are 6 AF’s total. The denominator is always the total number.
    No, I’m not talking about a surname. I’m talking about my first name. Who goes by their surname? If you don’t know that Van is a Vietnamese name, you’re pretty clueless. My parents gave me the name because it’s Vietnamese, but also easy to pronounce for Americans, since it can be an American name as well.
    You keep calling WM’s insecure, but you’ve yet to give any good reasons why they are insecure. Until you can give me good reasons, then you really have nothing to back up that statement.

  • Wynn Horton

    the man in the video is cute. I used to model and when I was that modeling age, I ONLY dated Asians. I felt safe, that they would rape me. Later, though, a couple of Korean guys did – 2 young stock brokers working for City Bank. I am still physically attracted to Asian men, but the trust is no longer there. Also, I keep reading racist comments by some of the Asian men – yet others have only sweet things to say about white women. I wonder if the cultural differences are worth it. I don’t wanna deal with their family. I rarely deal with my own.

  • Vinh

    Come down to Melbourne Australia. The white girls here are not into Asian guys, our multiculturalism is an illusion in the name of political correctness. And deep down, Asian men here are not date-able material to white girls. I’ve added heaps white girls to my Facebook talking to them in real life, and they’ve not yet added me, but Asian girls have never been a problem adding me. I am living proof of the oblivious racism here in Australia. However, California was very different to Australia. White women there were completely open to any race. If I were to choose which country was the most multicultural, it would definitely not be Australia at all. It would be America.

  • Ray Ray

    I am Chinese American, first gen. I am married to Russian/ Ukrainian girl. We are not married because she likes Asian guys, or I am like Caucasian girls. It happened because we met each other at the right time, and both love each other. Being in NYC everyone is from somewhere else, falling in love, dating, or being with someone should be who they are, not what they are.

  • Pingback: Chinese Dating Caucasian | Dating Around Me

  • Gaju

    I wouldn’t mind dating an asian man. But if he and his family are inherently racist, forget about it! Go chase your white ghosts and get tricked out of house and home just to ‘fit in’ and ‘pass’. A strong chinese man who does not deny himself is a good chinese man or asian man.

    Japanese, Korean I will date them too. But if it’s for gold-diggers then heeeeeeeeell no.